Raising children in today’s world can feel overwhelming. But what truly matters is not just academic success, but fostering resilience, independence, and a strong sense of self. This approach, rooted in the principles of autonomy, competence, and connection, was outlined by Jessica Lahey – author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation – and the second speaker this school year in the Doyle Family Speaker Series at Lake Tahoe School. In her presentation to parents this week, Lahey showed us how this can empower our children to navigate challenges, embrace learning, and build fulfilling lives.

Autonomy: Lahey highlighted the importance of allowing children to experience some level of autonomy. While guidance is essential, she emphasized that constantly intervening and “rescuing” children can hinder their development of problem-solving skills and independence. Instead, she suggested guiding children toward finding their own solutions and allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their choices.

Competence: Lahey also emphasized the importance of cultivating a growth mindset in children. This involves shifting the focus from innate talent to effort and learning. Challenges, she explained, are not obstacles but opportunities for growth. Lahey encouraged parents to encourage their children to embrace “desirable difficulties,” tasks that are slightly challenging but ultimately rewarding. She also cautioned against labeling children as “not good at” certain subjects, as this can limit their potential and hinder their learning.

Connection: Finally, Lahey stressed the critical role of connection in a child’s development. True connection, she explained, involves loving and accepting children for who they are, not for their achievements. Spending quality time together, engaging in shared activities, and fostering healthy relationships with family, friends, and the community are essential for building strong emotional bonds.

Lahey’s presentation provided valuable insights for parents and educators on how to best support children’s development. By focusing on these key principles, we can create a nurturing environment that empowers children to thrive.

For more information about Jessica Lahey, visit her website at jessicalahey.com.